Dear Therapist,

Why does slowing down make me feel more anxious instead of calm?

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This question comes up more often than people realize and it’s one that tends to surprise those who ask it.

We’re often told that rest is the answer.  That slowing down will make us feel better.  That once things quiet, relief should follow.

So when rest actually increases anxiety, it can feel confusing or even discouraging.  But this response isn’t a failure of rest and it isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you.  It’s often a nervous system response.

When someone has spent a long time in survival mode staying busy, staying productive, staying “on” their body adapts to that pace. High alert becomes familiar. Movement becomes regulating. Stillness becomes unfamiliar.

So when things finally slow down, the nervous system doesn’t always interpret that as safety.  It may interpret it as uncertainty.  In quiet moments, there’s more internal space.  And in that space, sensations, thoughts, or emotions that were being managed through busyness can rise to the surface.  This doesn’t mean rest is harmful.  It means your system hasn’t yet learned that slowing down is safe.

Many people respond to this discomfort by reaching for distractions, scrolling, staying busy, checking out not because they’re avoiding growth, but because they’re trying to regulate themselves in the ways they know how.  The goal isn’t to force calm.  It’s to build tolerance for stillness gently.

That might look like:

-Pausing for a few minutes instead of a full stop

-Pairing rest with something grounding or familiar

-Allowing movement and rest to coexist

-Noticing anxiety without immediately trying to fix it

Over time, your nervous system can learn that slowing down doesn’t mean losing control, it means creating safety.

If rest feels uncomfortable right now, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.  It may simply mean your system is adjusting to a new way of being.  And that adjustment takes patience.

You’re not broken for finding rest hard.  You’re learning something new.

If this article resonated, I created a gentle reflection worksheet you can download and return to at your own pace.

Growth Without Pressure Worksheet

This column is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Reading this does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are struggling with anxiety or another mental health concern, please reach out to a licensed professional in your area for support.  If you are in crisis or thinking of harming yourself, please call 988 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room.