Every January, the same conversation seems to surface, both in therapy sessions and in quiet moments of self-reflection: Do New Year’s resolutions actually work? Or do they just set us up to feel discouraged by February?

As a therapist, I have mixed feelings about resolutions. On one hand, there’s something deeply human about wanting a fresh start. The turning of a calendar can feel symbolic, an opportunity to pause, reflect, and imagine something different. Hope is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s often what brings people into therapy in the first place.

On the other hand, I see how quickly that hope can turn into pressure.

Many resolutions are framed around fixing what’s “wrong” with us, our bodies, our productivity, our habits, our emotions. They often come with rigid expectations and timelines that don’t leave much room for real life. When change doesn’t happen fast enough, motivation can quietly turn into self-criticism. And instead of feeling inspired, people feel defeated.

That’s where the problem usually isn’t the desire to grow—it’s the way we approach it.

Change rarely happens because we declared it on January 1st. Meaningful change tends to come from awareness, repetition, compassion, and flexibility. It happens when we understand why we want something different and what we actually need in order to support that change, not punish ourselves into it.

In therapy, I often encourage people to shift away from rigid resolutions and toward intentions or values. An intention asks a different question. Instead of What should I improve? it asks, How do I want to show up in my life? Instead of focusing on outcomes, it focuses on direction.

For example, rather than resolving to “be less anxious,” an intention might be to practice responding to anxiety with more patience. Rather than resolving to “do more,” it might be to create more space for rest. These shifts are quieter, less performative and often far more sustainable.

It’s also important to acknowledge that not everyone enters a new year feeling energized or hopeful. Some people are carrying grief, burnout, chronic stress, or uncertainty. For them, the pressure to “start fresh” can feel isolating rather than motivating. Growth does not require enthusiasm. Sometimes, growth simply looks like getting through the day with a little more kindness toward yourself.

So, do I believe in New Year’s resolutions?

I believe in reflection. I believe in intentional change that’s rooted in self-understanding rather than self-judgment. I believe that you don’t need a new year to begin again and that you’re not behind if this one starts slowly.

If you’re feeling pulled to make changes this year, consider asking yourself:

• What feels heavy right now?
• What do I need more of, not less of?
• What would support me instead of pressure me?

You don’t need a long list. Sometimes, one gentle intention is enough.

Wherever you find yourself at the start of this year, know this: change doesn’t have to be loud, dramatic, or perfect to be meaningful. And it doesn’t have to start on January 1st to matter.

This column is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Reading this does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are struggling with anxiety or another mental health concern, please reach out to a licensed professional in your area for support.  If you are in crisis or thinking of harming yourself, please call 988 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room.